Growing up, I would not say that my childhood was normal. Whatever normal is supposed to be.
A good chunk of my early childhood was spent in a giant, red tinted, wood covered artists loft in Paterson, NJ, where you heard gunshots before you heard fireworks but somehow I always felt safe. My parents and I were there almost every day to see our best friends, John, Barb, and Marie.
John and my dad go way back. They went to the same minuscule art school in New Jersey together, and were like oil and water to one another. John is chaotic and manic while my dad is organized and neat. John is drawn to the abstract and bright colors of fine art while my dad leans towards the clean lines of commercial. They both have huge egos, and back in the day they hated each other.
Eventually, the little art school failed, as little art schools unfortunately tend to do. My dad, being an idea man, decided that he was going to start his own art school to at least help the kids who started finish their degrees and get out into the world. He needed a painting professor, and ran into John at an art opening in the city (New York). John was, and still is, the type of man who will buy pant before food, and was there to get the free wine and cheese so that he could eat for the day.
Now, John can be a rat bastard, a ball-buster, a pain in the ass, and incredibly self centered, but the man can paint. He’s got more talent in his pinky than I have in my entire body, and my dad recognized that and hired him on.
From that point on, John and dad were inseparable. They are still oil and water, but they’re brothers. They’ve seen each other through the best and the worst of times.
A combination of both best and worst was when John met Barb..and Marie.
Barb is a force to be reckoned with. She is one of those women that you look at and you instinctively know to respect her. I used to want to be her when I grew up. Her figure work surpasses any and all that I have seen, and she is the only woman I’ve ever met that can truly handle John. She puts him in his place like no one’s business and still lets him think that he’s the boss of things. It wasn’t always that way though.
John’s track record with women is honestly deplorable. He was living with Marianne, who was friends with Barb, and then ended up spending more time at the studio together. Two talented artists fell in love, despite other commitments, and well.. Barb and Marianne weren’t very good friends after that.
For years it was John and Barb (at least according to my dad. I wasn’t around for this bit yet), and then John started working on a new series of paintings that he needed a new model for.
Marie is a gorgeous girl. She’s bubbly as hell, with a smile that lights up her face and porcelain skin, and is about twenty years younger than John and Barb. She’s got CURVES even though she has a slim build, and is one of the most loving creatures I have ever met in my entire life. She is an artist in her own right, but less fine art and more craft, and she became John’s muse.
And then more.
Now, John is nothing but exceedingly loyal to those he truly loves, and he truly loved Barb, so rather than cheat, he came to her and said that he had fallen in love with Marie (not that hard to do), but that he didn’t want to lose her.
John is not the smartest man in the world at times.. he decided to tell Barb this in their kitchen, where she then preceded to throw knives, pots, pans, and a rolling pin at him. I forget if anything actually hit him or not, but needless to say she wasn’t happy. She kicked his ass out for a while.
And then called him, and said that she would rather share him than lose him. And so, she met Marie.
Turns out, guess what? There was a spark. Barb and Marie are both bisexual. It took some time to figure out the kinks, naturally, but eventually John, Barb, and Marie were a unit. Each of the girls had their relationship with John and eventually developed a relationship with each other.
This is what I grew up around, going to their loft whenever possible as a child. By the time I was born John, Barb, and Marie being together was normal, and established. Marie was like a big sister to me, and together we would work on craft projects together while John and my dad smoked pipes and my mom and Barb cooked in the kitchen. They got me in all sorts of trouble as a kid, like giving me my first nightie at four, which my dad nearly killed John for, but which I kept and played dress up in for years to come. They were never shy about showing each other affection in front of anyone they knew, and were comfortable enough in their relationship not to be afraid to show that they were all together.
You think this would have been enough to uproot any vanilla rule my mother tried to plant in my head.. nope, not quite. I didn’t think of them as a rule for relationships, just as John, Barb, and Marie. This was how they were, but I didn’t know anyone else in a relationship like that until I got to college.
I am blessed with very open-minded parents. Sometimes disturbingly so. They met Sir on Tuesday when they were visiting the city and liked him well enough, even though there is obviously an age difference between us. The entire time at dinner I watched my dad, who was watching us, and my mother, who was very well behaved. My mother is never well behaved around any potential suitors.
Fast forward a few nights and it’s my parents last night in the city. We decide that tapas in the Mission sounds like a good idea for dinner. Tapas means sangria. Sangria means open communication.
My mother is an extreme lightweight. She got through her first class before going, “So, you’re not his girlfriend I’m guessing. You’re his submissive, right? Does he have a girlfriend?” My mother is vanilla, but she reads Maya Banks books and thinks she knows about BDSM. Well..she knew enough to apparently read mine and Sir’s body language at dinner.
And so, I told them everything, for the most part. My parents will never, EVER want to know grimy details of my sex life, no matter how open minded they are. But they were curious about how I’m managing jealousy, amongst other issues, in this new relationship of mine.
After going through the whole schpele dad looks at me and goes, “So, in essence, you’re Marie.”
I sat there, blinking at him, for about five minutes.
When he said that, I was brought back to the last evening Sir and I had to ourselves. He and I had ended up on my back deck, with me kneeling at his feet and my head in his lap. I thought about the last time I had seen Barb and Marie and thought about Marie laying in John’s lap in almost the same position.
I don’t think the three are in a BDSM relationship, although I would say that John is a top, Barb is a switch, and Marie is definitely the bottom. I always thought of John and Barb as having a mom and dad role and Marie almost fitting in as the child, because of the age difference and because she worships John with the same frequency that Barb puts him in his place. I never thought of it as strange. It was a comfortable dynamic to be around.
I just never thought that I would be Marie. My dad is right, in that I am. I adore Sir. I look up to him, idolize him, love him. The whole nine yards. I am also a good seventeen years younger than him, and his girlfriend is a good eight years older than I am.
I’m meeting her tomorrow, something I think that all three of us are a little nervous about, and I admit that I am going in feeling very off balanced. I’m nervous, and intimidated by her the more that I think about it. I don’t know how Sir is going to balance having two sub missives around him at once, or if he will be able to read and handle both of us. I wonder how Marie felt the first time she met Barb, who had the established relationship and past with John, had a place already when she had to worm her way in.
It is how I feel. I know Sir wants me. I know I am his, and am confident in that..but where is my place when it comes to him and his girlfriend? Sir mentioned giving her more time and making her a higher priority because they had to re-establish the bond between them… I don’t know how that made me feel. I understand, of course. That bond is important. But.. sigh.
I don’t want her to not like me. I think I’m even more nervous about this when there is a chance that I will be staying in the city this coming year. I may not just be this temporary submissive that disappears after a few months… something I’m nervous about talking about in general. Or thinking about.
I have to go buy the last bits of my uniform for my summer job.. YAY employment. First shift today. If nothing else, I’m safely staying in the city for the summer.
Which means learning how to navigate all this.
I want this. I really, really want this, but I want to make sure I’m wanted as well… I feel like I understand Marie a lot more now, entering into a situation like this, than I did as a child. I can’t imagine how scary it was meeting Barb for the first time. Especially knowing she caused knives to be thrown at John’s head. At least I’m not that bad.
Right then. off to buy ugly pants and a long sleeve shirt to cover tattoos.
Yours, as always