I’ve been playing quite a bit lately, so much so that it seems the only time I’ve had to write about it was now that I’m pulled away from that world for a whole two weeks. I’m currently 3000 miles away from my every day life, at my parent’s home in New Jersey with my cat in my lap and my dog at my feet. What better a time to share my bits of fun.
I’m very bad at just..random play, probably because I am still figuring out how far my body can be pushed and what exactly feels good to me. However, I have been socializing quite a bit and that has led to meeting some unique playmates whose company I’ve been enjoying.
My favorite on a social level is by far a man named Kane. He’s a fellow artist, like myself, and that’s what started our communications back and fourth. Much like when Cal and I started talking, he opened the dialogue by mentioning a certain piece of my work that I have a soft spot for..and we took off from there into a rousing debate between the Expressionists and the Impressionists, and why we like both and why we don’t like it. It was a good week and change before we actually got around to talking about anything kinky.
For him, it’s not about the ‘scene’, and public play doesn’t do it for him. For personal reasons, his play is very private, and it is also very closely integrated into some of his work. He is exceedingly picky about who submits to him, because they also inevitably become his muse. That was originally what made me want to play with him. The idea intrigued me, and flattered me that he thought I could be his muse. There was also a vey real boundary between he and I that kept away any danger of falling too deeply, or falling at all, and that has kept me in check with him. I can honestly say that I am attracted to his personality, and that I get great pleasure from just sitting and talking with him. I love that he thinks of me outside of the BDSM scene. The last time we got together, we got back to his place and he surprised me with new water color pads and beautiful new portable water color set. He knew I was traveling home and wanted me to be able to work while I was there. “I just was in Flax and thought of you.” he said, smiling.. I may have tackle hugged him.
He may have tied me up afterward. He draws me like a kinky Matisse nude, and I find myself exceedingly flattered that he has deemed me captivating enough to keep in his company.
Another playmate of mine I have mentally gone back and forth about… I liked him originally, admitting to Cal when I met him that I had a bit of a crush. By the next evening however he was driving me up the walls. Little things bothered me. I didn’t like how he smelled (eerily like my ex…) or that he ordered me to be affectionate afterwards. The play itself was FANTASTIC. I felt the bruises for days afterward and and wore them with a smile on my face. However, by the time the evening was over I had decided that the next time we got together there would be no snuggling and sleeping after, no matter how many orgasms he caused me to have and how exhausted I was.
I ran into him again, at a play party at the local dungeon that I had gone to with a platonic friend. That meeting.. went radically differently, and ended with my first public scene and my first introduction to what being in subspace feels like. There I was in my element. I wanted to be affectionate; I liked him having his arm around me and wanting to paddle my ass until it all but glowed red. Thanks to him I discovered that I actually DO enjoy pain mixed with pleasure…and that a flogger handled properly is amazing. But why was I so attracted to him there and not the time before? Perhaps part of it was that I was still in the D/s relationship with Cal when George and I first met. Whether or not I want to admit it, Cal was always in the back of my mind when I played with others..or even flirted with others. I would do the bad thing.. compare, when I know I shouldn’t have. Another influence was probably the dungeon we were in, where I was in a very altered headspace and felt completely comfortable in my own skin. I was willing to go there, in an arena where I felt like we had a more even playing field than in his apartment.
The third and final playmate of mine is a baby, and a switch. I say baby because he is much less experienced than the other two, and more that a decade younger as well. Chris is a handful of years older than I am, and reminds me eerily of one of my exes..but all the good things about him. He’s an ass hole in a snarky, sarcastic sort of way, and in certain ways I love that. He and I played at the play party as well.. though it was less play and more..well.
He and I met at a singles mixer weeks before. I liked him, however, life got in the way. I got pulled away into a new job, money issues, moving, etc.. and became horribly neglectful of my phone, which meant putting off the sexual tension between he and I. When we saw each other again at the play party we both knew that toys kinda.. didn’t matter for this romp. It was time to get rid of the damn sexual tension, and so we did. I played with him about a half hour after finishing the scene with George, which had pushed me to my limit and had me flying at the end. My ass was still sore, and wonderfully hot. A couple smacks with Chris’s bare hands and I was flying again. The sex was rather fantastic…but that also might be because of the mental space that I was in. Either way, I enjoyed playing with him. He plays a bit more vanilla than both George and Kane, and is much more on my level to where I feel comfortable experimenting and asking him to try this or that on me. He is a snarky, sarcastic friends with benefits… which is nice.
In certain ways I wish I had a primary partner.. and in other ways I’m loving the freedom of my playmates. All three are incredibly different, and thusly so are my interactions with them. With George I feel an instant need to fall to my knees and address him as sir (lowercase, thank you very much. He’s not my sir yet, but he is a regular partner and finds the term respectful when playing), and strive to get the “good girl” from him. With Kane.. it’s sensual, sweet, and pulls at my artistic heartstrings. No titles with him, just orders and held positions, and passion of a different sort. With Chris I don’t feel like kneeling at all. Once the scene is over I stand and look him in the eyes, which is nice in its own way.
I have a lot going on in my vanilla life right now.. a lot of changes. Having my kinky life fall into a regular pattern of visits and dinners has in certain ways lifted a weight off my shoulders. It’s some normalcy, some safety while I continue to discover what exactly I want and do what I have to do in the other aspects of my life. I LIKE the play. I miss the serving element.. the orders, the tasks.. but that comes with time, and with feeling. I was told to be very picky in picking a primary partner..and I plan to be. I’m not jumping at the first Dom that gives me the time of day. In the meantime I will simply improve other aspects of my submission, which including exploring and refining my lists of limits and fetishes…
I would say there are much worse things in this world ^.~
The cat has decided it’s time to chase the dog around the house… ho boy. Back to vanilla life.