What Must be Done

Today I sent an e mail that I have been putting off for over a month.

Quite simply, it was:

Thank you for picking me out of hundreds of applicants.
Thank you for choosing me to be one of fifteen students for this program.
Thank you for thinking little ole me was good enough, creative enough, artist enough for such a unique program.
Thank you for validating my work as an artist.
Thank you for giving me a scholarship so that my debt would be a little more manageable.
Thank you for making me the first Masters degree candidate in my family.
Thank you for wanting me, with all my quirks and my unique views on what makes art, and artists.
Just…thank you.
But I can’t go this year.

You see. I have to work.
My student loans are too high. Maxed out. And Sallie Mae is coming to collect.
So even with the help.
Even with the acknowledgement and the ego boost.
I can’t go to your program this year.
Can I come next year? Please?

I didn’t think it would be as hard as it was. I could feel the disappointment of so many people as I typed.. but I need to pay these loans down. I need to get myself OUT of some money trouble before I get into more.

I also hate to admit it, but I’m happy in San Francisco. I have friends. I have a community and an apartment I love. I have a job I love.

I have a lot to think about.
….Yours with more to write about than time in a day


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