Once a week or so, I’ve discovered a need to fly.
With Kane, I soar. I reach new points of emotional security, of knowing myself and my place. At this point I wear a day collar proudly, showing that I am happily in service to such an incredible man. A man who pushes me emotionally, who wants me to work artistically as he works. With him is where my heart lies, safe and secure with a man who I know cherishes every ounce of submission I give him. I love him for loving and accepting everything about me.. even the stuffed animals.
Yes, he will spank me. He will tie me up and do wonderfully wicked things to me. He’s started taking a firmer hand to me the more we explore, and has begun to push me in ways I never expected, but as of now he has not used a flogger on me.
He knows that I’ve developed this.. need to play outside of his place or mine. That I thrive walking around the Citadel, all dolled up turning the heads of men as I walk by. I have a need to be strapped to a cross or ordered onto one of the tables and have floggers and paddles taken to my ass, my shoulders my back. I’ve taken to wearing outfits to the Citadel that allow for easy access to my bare ass, because I know that by the end of the evening I will crave seeing it black and blue.
My pain threshold has absolutely gone up since I started playing regularly. There are things that I like better than others, obviously.. I had a discussing with Cal the other day about single tales not exactly being my thing, and Cats pushing me… but a soft deer skin flogger? Mmm…. for the love of Godde please bend me over and turn my ass red.
It’s a cathartic weekly release, to fly. Fridays are my night to play. To go out and get what I need so I can come back, content and able to serve a man I very much love. Play for me very rarely means sex with others lately.. My partners have shifted. In the dungeon I would rather play with the older men in the scene that I”m not truly attracted to, but that know how to handle a flogger better than the attractive young ones who would love to have me over their knee. They push me into Subspace so easily it isn’t even funny. After a week of work, of service, of routine, going out and just being for those few hours… I love it.
I find it amusing how much I’ve enjoyed spanking and flogging, when I was almost never spanked as a child. My parents laid a hand on me..maybe twice in my entire life? And here I am craving what others fear. Jase actually mentioned that he was worried about how much pain I could take. “Just don’t break your ass” he said, before transitioning into a conversation about how he ordered his amazing girlfriend flowers and they’re having a Skype movie date…blah blah blah. I know my limits, and I’m selective about who I do a scene with.
I do have a new little play partner, Tom. He’s older than baby Chris, but not yet thirty, in the same career field as me, an east coaster..and really really good with his fingers. I don’t know where this will take me..but I enjoy his company, and I am exceedingly attracted to him. We’ve discussed going to the next Bent party together and playing.. I admit, I like this idea. I find him exceedingly attractive and would hardly mind being led around the dungeon by him.
I guess this is where I start truly balancing multiple partners, not just casual play partners? Oh, poly… how it makes my head hurt.
Yours discovering ways to fly
P.S. There is a movie on Hulu, Inside the 50 Shades. I’m sure most of you know that the book is… well… If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all, but the movie goes into people actually in the scene. It’s worth watching, especially I think for Doms. There’s a man on it that talks in detail about learning from the bottom up, which is something Cal has expressed to me along with a few other Doms.. Worth watching.