Tightening a Corset 


I am a big fan of corsets.

My love for corsets goes back long before I ever entered into the world of kink. It goes back to my Rennie days long before I ever had boobs (yes! Such a time existed).

Corsets provide a comfortable support when I need them to. They synch me in all the right ways. They make me feel better in my own skin and make me feel like a kinky goddess. I admit that I look DAMN good when I’m properly laced.

But there’s a delicate balance between the right amount of laced up that you look damn good and so much that you can only wear the thing for an hour or two.

The other night I spent time with a friend of mine that I’ve gotten close to since going to Fusion. We were going out to dinner and he referenced me as something I hadn’t expected. His “23 year old girlfriend”.

Whether said in a joking manner or not, it made me very uncomfortable. Surprisingly so. I had to bite back saying “but I’m James’s girlfriend.”

I am just getting to the point with James that I’m not afraid to be mushy. Walk into Wicked Grounds on a Wednesday and you’re likely to find us curled up together at some point. I’m not afraid to ask for kisses, or grab his hand (when he’s.. You know.. Still), or even kneel at his feet.  It’s becoming easy to be around him… To feel like I should be around him.

At the same time it’s only been a couple of months since we became an actual thing. With a name and labels. And not just play partners.

I’ve come to terms with the feels. Feels are a thing. I’ve made peace with the fact that when I feel threatened my first thought is to reach out to him.. Because being around him is the safest thing I know.

This is the support. The boning of the corset that keeps your back straight and your stomach in. Now how tight are you willing to pull the laces?

We are poly. I am poly, on my own, without Jame’s influence. Poly means other people involved in one way or another.

I have no issues with poly play. None. I know who I belong to and I enjoy playing with others. I enjoy James watching. Hell, I enjoy watching him play with others. I feel no insecurities in the dungeon or the club what so ever.

It’s in the outside world that my mind races and I crave tightened laces.

We were curled up together today talking about finally going on a date and I made a crack about scheduling me in if he has to. His retort was “well that’s part of poly. Scheduling in dates.”  And I froze.

I don’t want to be monogamous. I don’t think I know how to be anymore. But the idea of him going on other dates and me being someone else’s girlfriend? Him having other girlfriends?

There’s dating in our world and then there’s dating in the vanilla world. I know that. And while the comfort level is wonderful it also means that very hard questions have started forming in my head. Things that I do and don’t want to ask him. What if I want to pull the strings tighter, and instead of tightening the corset he lets go?

That risk is always there, along with the quiet fear that I am “too much”. That I am not what he signed up for.

In my little subby heart I am a hopeless romantic. As often as I’ve been burned I still think about hearts and flowers. Stargazing and picnics in the park. Yes, he’s beaten me.. To the point where I crave the pain as much as the pleasure. And yes. The kinky fuckery is fun. But wanting more is a scary thought.

How do you tell the man that doesn’t do relationships and is constantly surrounded by stunningly beautiful, sexy people that you don’t want to see anyone else? Because that’s the nitty gritty of it. I don’t. Playing and play dates are fine, encouraged even… But having actual other relationships? I don’t think I can.. At least not until he and I are on more stable ground.

I suppose it’s time to hand the laces to him and ask him to pull… And see what happens.

Yours contemplative

-Rena

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Tightening a Corset 

  1. I have the same feels towards my dynamic too, and almost the same structure- and the application of societal labels brings out a very protective defensive side of me! It’s a lot to process and just really commenting to thank you for actually being able to find the words to express it xxxx

    1. You are incredibly sweet 🙂 thank you. It makes me very happy to think that I’ve helped out a little. Poly can be hard to navigate… But the best things aren’t always the easiest. I wish you luck with your dynamic 🙂

    2. Oh my goodness… Thank you. I am incredibly honored to be one of your favorite blogs. I never know if anyone reads my entries or not. Your comment has very much made my day.. It’s nice to know that my little posts do some good for others 🙂

      1. Not only are you one of my favourite blogs but I make sure to check for a new entry every day. I am VERY new to the lifestyle and you have been a guide to me as I navigate the sometimes murky and unknown waters. You do it with honesty, bravery and some damn fine writing to boot.

      2. Thank you so, so much… (You too Kiwifruit!). I am absolutely honored… I do my best. You have honestly very much made my day with your kind words 🙂 It’s a little frightening that I guide anyone… I still feel like a novice myself, but I’m glad that I have managed to help 🙂

  2. Wow, just when you think you are alone in the world and no one else knows what you are going through, the universe sends me to one of my favourite blogs and I read that you are walking the same line. And you said exactly what I was afraid to tell myself- I have to tell my Dom and see whether he tightens the laces or walks away. You are young enough to be my daughter but so mature that you are teaching me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s