Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
Ho Boy.. Dangerous, dangerous questions.
Most of my D/s life has been documented in this blog… There were splashes of D/s in other relationships, most recently Jason… but that ended in a bit of a clusterfuck when he crossed a very big, red, flashing neon line.
It stared with Cal, my mentor, who was kind enough to open the door and let me step through. He knew that I had very submissive tendencies, that they where there and that I was eager to serve, but didn’t want a young 22 year old to end up in the hands of a creeper. He guided me through the world of D/s best he could until I dove in further than he could follow, and then ended the mentor-ship so that I could be with someone who actually could keep up with me and go along with me on my journey, at least for a time. He and I are still close friends. Honestly, when it comes to Cal I am grateful that things turned out as they did. He is with an amazing partner now, and I get two friends instead of one wonky relationship.
Then there is Kane… Godde, Kane… The most detrimental thing about being with Kane was that it was isolating. I was collared, I was loved, I was adored… I was spoiled way too much for a time and I enjoyed the spoiling. But I was also a secret. He got me this beautiful collar and set of leather cuffs… And we only used them once. It was amazing when we did. I won’t say I didn’t love being on the cross under his hand… But I was always his big secret. I could never ramble on about my boyfriend. I could never come first, not until he worked out certain things in his life… And when he started working out those things he got so lost in them that it was almost impossible to come back to the relationship. Kane gave me Disneyland. He was the first Dom to make me feel like I was ENOUGH, and that is a feeling I will always cherish… But we started wanting different things. In the end, we are much better off as friends.
Briefly, there was Smith. He taught me how amazing having a secondary can be, and showed me by example both good poly and bad poly. Out of everyone he’s the only one not in my life. This is not my choice, but I do understand. His primary and I have personal issues. It makes friendship difficult.
… And then there’s James. My Sir. James is the only one that I had any sort of crush on before we became anything. He is also the only one to ever scare me. There is nothing easy about that man. He constantly pushes me, physically and mentally, just as he pushes himself… It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t scared. It’s the good kind of scared though.. Like the beginning of a roller coaster ride. I love being his girl… And yes, the romantic in me wants to earn his collar in time and be completely his… We will see. For now he is the most honest of any Dominant man I’ve been with… He moves the slowest, but that can be good and bad at the same time. Physically I respond to him more than I have to others… He touches me and I come undone. He pets my head and every tense muscle I have relaxes.. Again this scares me… Again it’s in a good way. He has my complete trust… And my devotion. I want to be shared with others.. I wouldn’t call myself poly if I did. But I belong to him.
5 down, 25 to go
Yours missing her Sir,