Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
I feel like structure and limits need to be part of any relationship, D/s related or not. Everyone has their boundary lines, their ‘do not cross’ behaviors that they’re just… not comfortable with. Some are completely vanilla. Some are kinky. Some are sexual.
I compartmentalize a lot, especially when it comes to relationships. I like knowing the boundary lines of those compartments to see the potential for some to grow, to know which ones won’t grow, and to make sure that the relationships don’t bleed into one another and get muddy… This is a good thing and a bad thing, I suppose. In certain ways it’s incredibly self-limiting.. I set myself up to know exactly how far a relationship can go before I abandon ship. And in other ways it’s a good thing because I will look at relationships realistically. … And then I have partners like James that continually wipe away the boundary lines, push what we can be, surprise me.. and tell me that I have as much input as him. That he does not make all the rules just because he is the Dominant and that a relationship is a partnership…
But I’ve digressed, haven’t I? This is supposed to be about D/s relationships.
Structure in rules in D/s relationships specifically.. I believe they’re good things. They reinforce the dynamic and keep me in a submissive head space. I like to push my limits with certain partners.. Be playful… But you learn from a tone or a look when you’ve pushed enough.
There is less of a structured rule set with James right now and more just understood things… I text him when I’m home safe from work. We wish each other goodnight when we’re going to sleep and we’re apart. I know not to push when he tells me to lean back or drop my arms because he wants access to a part of me.. I know when to extend my neck for him to put the collar on me, and know not to touch the collar to take it off or loosen it. I ask him if I needed loosed. But there are no set rituals in place yet, other then I know when to call him James and when he is Sir. When he is my boyfriend and when the Dominant takes priority.
I don’t think I would do well with rules all the time.. with a true 24/7 set up that involves no silly downtime. I need the time to be the girlfriend and the partner as well as the submissive. When there is a collar around my neck (and I don’t mean a day collar.. I mean a big leather dungeon collar) there are certain things I feel like I can’t say..certain ways of talking that get toned down a bit until the collar comes off… When that collar is on he is “Sir” not “James”. And I love it. I love being subby.. Don’t think I don’t… But the main rule, the number one rule, that James and I have (and that I recommend all D/s couples couples have) is emotional honesty. Even if it makes him unhappy or would upset him, if I’m feeling something I am supposed to talk to him about that.. and as much as it is a rule, it’s a rule I can only really follow without the collar on.
Balance. Balance is a good thing. I’m sure all D/s couples have their own equilibrium for how deep the dynamic goes in their relationship. This is just mine
Nine down, twenty-one to go
P.s. I am very sorry for being a couple days behind in these.. The weekend has been hectic and filled with internet problems. Day 10 and 11 will also be posted today to make up for it.