Day 15

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Day 15

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Oh goodness yes. Of course my submission has evolved over time.

I’m a big believer in the fact that everyone’s sexuality evolves over time. You grow. You learn more about yourself, about what you actually want in a partner.. or about actually wanting ‘partners’ instead.

For me, I have natural submissive tendencies that just.. come out. I am exceedingly comfortable sitting on the floor at someone’s feet, or even kneeling there for a great length of time. I like cleaning up after partners, making their lives easier by disposing of sodas and plates and glasses in cafes and stuff like that. I like when a partner chooses my clothing, because I like to be as pleasing to my partner as possible (though in all reality for this to be practical I wouldn’t want this unless I was living with a partner.. which I’m currently not). This is without any of the hitty and slappy stuff.

When I first dove into this lifestyle I dove in full force. I had fought being subby for so long.. because females have been fighting so long for equal rights, why on earth would a female want to submit under the hand of a male? It took me over 20 years to wrap my mind around that being okay when both the religion I practiced and the people that raised me preached women standing up to men, being equals, never submitting. Once I embraced the submissive part of myself it was as if the floodgates opened.. I couldn’t control it. I craved ritual, craved the hand of another.. and I got it.

I got the 24/7 relationship I desired… and discovered, over time, that it was exhausting and trying. That in order to keep up the BDSM side of our lifestyle other parts were suffering and communication was breaking down. Eventually, obviously, we broke apart. The pressures of what we were expected to maintain became too great.

I developed from being a 24/7 submissive to being a submissive with a switch. Flip it and I was on my knees in a heartbeat. Ignore it and I stayed in girlfriend mode completely. With my current partner… There is a balance forming in our relationship.. There are times when I am just the girlfriend and not the submissive. I am always his.. because I want to be. Because I expressed that desire, not because he imposed it on me.

The pain thing.. That is also knew. I heard a term the other week that summarized what I am very well. Pain for pleasure. Meaning I take the pain for the pleasure of another. I enjoy being beaten because I see him enjoying it. I look forward to it because I know the pleasure that it will cause my Sir, and that gives me quite a lot of joy. I love showing him how much I can take. How I can lay there and scream and cry but not yellow or red, because I want his hands on me. I want the nails. I want the smacks. I want it all so much…

Oh yes,  my submission has changed over time..and I am thoroughly enjoying how it has transformed, and I’m sure will continue to transform over time…

Yours, a work in progress

-Rena

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