26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
What do I seek… hmmm…
I seek someone who looks passed the surface level.
There is a difference between when I play and when I submit. When I play, I am performing. I am showing off. Showing how much I can take, how amazing I can be under another’s hand. When I am submitting Every second is real. I have completely given myself to that person… and wherever he wants to take me I will very willingly go.
So.. for the purpose of this question I’m going to focus on what I look for in a primary, the man I would call my Dominant, whose collar I would wear and who I would end up being most submissive to.
I look for someone who sees me.. If someone walks up to me and just wants to play fine, it will be fun. But can you see how to push me. Can you bring me out of my shell. Do you even want to? Do you want to know what makes me up, what makes me tick, what drives me to submission to start with? If you don’t want to know the mind, I’m not going to give you the body.
I look for someone who pushes..but knows when to stop. The two Dominants in my life that I have fully given myself too have pushed me. They’ve bruised me. They’ve hurt me without causing me harm. Right when I would have ‘yellowed’ they read something in my body language that told them they needed to back off..and they did. They knew how hard to push, and that I need to be pushed..but they also know there is no point in breaking their favorite toys. Then you can’t play with them again.
I look for strength.. And I don’t mean just physical. I know I have baggage, and I know there are times when I crumble. Hiding that side from my Dominant, when in all reality if he’s my Dominant he’s going to be my lover, my boyfriend, my friend as well, is almost impossible. I Nee someone strong who knows how to catch me when I fall, and who can accept that sometimes I do indeed fall. I’m human. And so is he. If he can catch me then I will be there to catch him.
I want someone who wants more. The “more” is always scary. When feels get involved suddenly everyone gets skittish and doesn’t want to talk about it. It takes me a long time to build up to wanting more…but when I’m sure, I’m sure, and I let myself fall. If someone moves emotionally at a different pace than me that is fine, and often welcome…but it’s when there’s no hope for that more, for that deeper level of emotion, that I pull the eject button.
He needs to know the power of aftercare, and that it is mandatory, not just after scenes but after life. After a fight there should be hugging, kissing, and check ins once the discussion is resolved. After a scene I want to come down in someone’s arms, knowing I am safe and secure and as long as they’re there nothing will touch me. After a horrible day I want to know that I can reach them, that they will ground me even if it’s just through text on a screen. That they’re accessible and want to talk.
This is my shallow one… He needs to be physically attracted to me.. If you don’t want me. If you want just my personality and ‘can live with the physical me’… why the fuck are you with me? I’m sorry… I will be attracted to the people I am with. I would like for them to also be attracted to me.
The last thing, and this one is extremely important to me.. They can’t be afraid of touch or affection. I am a tactile WHORE. I need you to touch me, hold me, embrace me, caress my face..and more than that I need you to want to do those things.. I was deprived of PDA for a damn long time…and dammit I want it now.
And no, none of these are negotiable. Because I’m spoiled 😛
Yours..apparently very demanding