I’ve seen this challenge posted on other blogs similarly themed to my own, most recently with a Dominant’s twist. The vein of this challenge that I have stumbled across is 30 Days of Submission. I acquired the questions off of Tumblr (a wonderful resource for kinky fuckery) from someone who also does not know the origin of the questions, and take no credit for them. However, I will enjoy answering them.
I wanted to create a separate page for this because..well.. 30 Days is a lot. Writing that consistently for that length of time will be difficult… I like a challenge. I promise to still do other writing of the kinky variety, but on my first full day of being 24 (my birthday way yesterday) I figured it would be a fun idea to start something.. different. So, here is the different.
Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
The poly thing adds a whole lovely twist to the whole thing for me… I’m weird about labels when it comes to multiple relationships.. and I tend to over-verify and ask questions about the ‘main relationship’ labels before I throw in any add ons.
As weird as it sounds, the ‘submission’ part of a relationship is easy to define. That part happens naturally for me, and usually for the partner I am with. I have said multiple times that I identify as a submissive.. and it’s the side of a relationship that comes out first with me. I will play with someone to get to know them.. to see if there’s chemistry, if it feels right kneeling in front of him and calling him ‘sir’. If I can picture that ‘sir’ getting capitalized to my Sir. If I feel chemistry, if it feels good, natural, not forced… then I try to flirt.
That tends to be MUCH more forced for me. Socially I can be an awkward turtle, especially when I like someone.. I will play with someone for once before I openly express further interest. I get there eventually though..
I have different facets to my submission. There’s a Little side, a pet side, a masochistic side… they all make up who I am. It’s a matter of which partner I am with at the time that dictates which trait is most prevalent, and how much it is prevalent. My masochistic side is very much alive and well with James.. I want to take pain when he and I play. I expect unexpected dashes of ow and tears when I’m around him… but I collect sadists like M&Ms. Almost all of my friends have some sort of sadistic side.. I’ve played with a very sweet, sadistic friend a number of times and struggled to take the pain he dished out, even though in comparison to James he’s incredibly light-handed, gentle even. It’s all about head space.
I’ve been collared before.. and I love the reassurance of the collar. In my ideal relationship there is a collar at the end of the tunnel.. that ultimate reassurance of belonging to someone, of your place.. It’s a fantastic feeling, but it’s something earned over time and not to be taken lightly. Even with the collar I’m not sure I would call myself a slave.. It’s hard to wrap my mind around that title. I will always go to submissives first.
Outside of the BDSM labels there’s all the lovely relationship labels that come with..well.. relationships. Primary. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Secondary… I’m weird when it comes to “boyfriend/girlfriend”. That’s my primary, in my mind.. Yes, you can have multiple people that you’re seeing but I’m more likely to reference them as ‘partners’ than boyfriends or girlfriends. My boyfriend is the one that would get the Facebook status if that was his thing, and who gets the big, shiny Fetlife status for all to see. He’s the one that owns me.. The boyfriend term ends up a bridge for me between the kink world and the vanilla world.. It allows me to talk about my Sir to vanilla friends in a way that they can understand.. Doesn’t mean that the relationship isn’t romantic. If someone is my Sir and not just a sir.. there are mushy feels there, at least for me.. But the way I use the term ‘boyfriend’ makes me a little bit touchy about it.
Wow.. that ended up a lot longer and more insightful than I thought it would be XD.
Day one down, 29 to go.
Yours, as always