Or rather, the next couple weekends.
I have an amazing, sweet, spitfire of a metamour through Ryan that is one of his long distance partners. She’s going to be in town starting tonight, and tomorrow her, Ryan, and I are going up to a pagan camp ground for the weekend to celebrate Samhain. This is one trip where I can’t possibly begin to have any expectations about how it’s going to go or what will play out..and I’m excited about the prospect of that.
There are some worries, little brain squirrels I’m trying to quell. I’ve never been in a situation where it’s been such an extended amount of time of sharing a partner. We will be together for three days. That’s three days where I get my Daddy but I don’t. And I honestly requested that. When Ryan invited me on the trip I said I would go on the condition that my time and hers were equal, that the attention was equal..meaning me coming didn’t take away from the attention he would give her. I adore them together. I think she’s absolutely fantastic for him, and brings out some of his best nature whenever they’re together. But, I am human. I do get jealous.
The jealousy… doesn’t manifest in the ways you would expect. I’m not jealous she’s with him.. Not at all. I feel quite a lot of compersion when I think of the two of them. The jealousy is more in that so often when I look at her I see so much of what I lack. Shes in better shape than I am. Her life is much more put together and stable. She’s a better communicator, while I still get stuck when I’m upset or something is wrong.
But..I also know that, for some reason, she tends to do the same thing with me and can have a similar type of jealousy at times. There are many reasons we get along well.
I know that Ryan would hang the moon for her. But I also know that he would shoot up a couple of stars for me. There is.. a nice balance. But it’s still uncharted territory, so much so that her and I each have safewords to use if something isn’t right and we need to talk to Ryan in private, nicknames that we normally wouldn’t use with him to get his attention. Mine is puddin’, as in Harley Quinn in the Joker.. After all, I am Daddy’s little monster and it doesn’t get much more unhealthy than the two of them.
There has been a LOT of preparation for this trip. I expected most of it. Food prep, camping supply prep. Things like that. I didn’t expect the emotional prep, and the amount of care and consideration that Ryan would put in to making sure I was alright and that we got our time together. Tuesday was, of course, Halloween. It was also our last chance to have a private date for about two weeks. It’s not that I’m not going to see him. I’m actually going to spend quite a lot of time with my Daddy in the next couple of weeks.. it’s that I will be sharing him or he will be sharing me for all of it.
Ryan has been teaching me slowly not to have expectations. To go with the flow. To be in the moment. And so, when I requested to spend Halloween with him I didn’t expect a yes or a no. We have a packed weekend, and I would understand if he said no, he needed the night to himself. I will be clinging to Monday night for all it’s worth as my one night of recovery before poly insanity part two begins.. but more on that in a bit. He didn’t say no.. At the end of our date on Sunday he asked me to come over on Tuesday evening.
Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year, and I have my traditions. I eat pizza. I watch Nightmare before Christmas. I requested both these things of Ryan.. He got free tasty Tibetan curry from work that would have been enough to feed us. He still ordered us pizza. I didn’t find out until halfway through the movie that he’s not a huge fan of Nightmare (it’s fairly pervasive throughout the kink community as a staple..my fault for assuming). He put it on to make me happy… and was happy making me happy and cuddling with me. And I have to admit, I was utterly content curled up in my Daddy’s arms, wearing a bat onesie that he got for me (I’m his little fruit bat ^.^) watching one of my favorite movies and sharing a couple small traditions with him.. but that’s not where the prep and care ended.
Wednesday is always a long day for Ryan. He works in the city, drives home, changes, and comes back out for BaGG. Some nights we play. Others, we just socialize with friends. I expected last night to be a socialize night because we were both tired and had just spent time together the night before even though we didn’t play.. I was very, very wrong. Daddy got a new bat. He was very excited to try the new bat. On my ass. For the record, oww.
I didn’t know I needed the owies until they started… didn’t know I needed that connection, that reassurance from him with my pretty, amazing meta coming the next day. I love playing with Ryan.. The level of connection he maintains is unlike anything I’ve felt with others, even James. He knows just the right moments to touch and check in, when I need a push, a “You can take more for Daddy, can’t you kitten?”. I didn’t know that I needed, “Who’s Daddy’s good girl?” I did. The pretty meta is coming. Ryan will be sharing time with both of us. She is his pretty, amazing, creative, spitfire partner. I’m Daddy’s good girl, Daddy’s kitten, Daddy’s poppet and lil love.. They are both important. My Daddy is very good at figuring out what I need long before I know how to vocalize it..
Can you see why I have little hesitations about this trip?
But wait, there’s more!! Oh yes, this is but episode one of my big, fat, poly, kinky life. We get back from the camping trip on Sunday. On Tuesday, I am given a tremendous gift. My darling Ace is coming to visit me for an entire WEEK. After a decade of knowing one another and only 24 precious hours in person together.. My brain can not fully wrap itself around the concept of it yet.
He will be coming with me to BaGG the next night.. It will be his birthday BaGG. He..hehehehe… It will also mean sharing BaGG with him, and him and Daddy spending time together..something that has me THRILLED. And him and James spending time together..something that..has me more hesitant. James does not seem to react to me having partners well..but that’s its own separate blog entry.. For now..focusing on my Ace.
I get him for BaGG, a night of just us, and then that Friday begins Surrender. Me, Ryan, and Ace will all be in a hotel room together, along with one of my kinky sisters and her partner. To say I am excited and nervous… I can’t even tell you. There are visions of threesomes and double topping and passing off and…all the yummy dancing in my head. I am nervous to see how my brain handles splitting time with the two of them, and with the very different dynamics that I have with each man.
Top it all off with Surrender being the anniversary of the first time James and I played, and James being responsible for my pictures there…yeah..there are nerves. There are many nerves. I am curious to see how Ace reacts to my little self, a side of me he’s never seen. I am curious also to see how Ryan reacts to my toppy side controlling Ace, and then the fluidity of Ace topping me.
To add to the insanity, these two men that I love so much that will get to share space with one another have birthdays about two weeks apart. I have plans for both of them.. Ryan knows some of his. Ace has no idea. I get my Ace through until the following Tuesday, and that Monday after Surrender will be a day for him. I’ve taken off, and I plan on showing him my home and spoiling him after he is done spoiling me at Surrender.
It is a lot, me sharing Ryan and then Ryan sharing me back to back..but I have faith in us, as I have faith in my meta and my Ace. I plan on bringing a journal along to each event and writing at least once during each of the days. These entries will be turned into blog posts after. Another new thing, another experiment.. I am hopeful that it will work out.
The cherry on top of all of this is the moment of re-connection and calm. The day after Ace goes back to his nesting partner and his life in NC is Ryan’s birthday BaGG. So, after the camping, the cons, the sharing and the excitement, I get to crawl on a spanking bench in front of my community and take spankings for my Daddy’s birthday. The timing could not be better.
See you on the others side of all this insanity, readers.
Yours, until then