Tag Archives: flogging

Day 23

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23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

I am a big fan of different strokes for different folks. However, there are limits to this. I believe in the safe, sane, consensual tenant of BDSM.. and while the sane part is up for debate, the safe and consensual are not.

The only time I have questioned another submissive is when they were going into truly unsafe situations… I had a friend at Bondage a Go Go when I started going early on who called herself a pain slut. In all reality she was a heavy bottom, but not a pain slut, and she pushed her body too hard to prove just how much she could take (because she wanted to be the best of all the subs… Subbies you know how this is…). To do this, she would eat AFTER bag and not have any food before, because she believed that it allowed her to take more pain. One night she did this and on top of this took several medications that left her not in her right mind, combined this with alcohol, and then went to go play… The partner she was playing with cut the scene short because they saw she wasn’t right, but it was one of the few times I have gone over and lectured another submissive, as well as her primary for letting her put herself in that situation.

I’ve also met many a young ‘sub’ that was “looking for her Christian Grey.” They are easy to spot in a dungeon setting. Usually younger, dressed to the nines in lingerie and brand new heels, walking around with a bit of a dear in the headlights look. These lost little ones me and a few other experienced submissives will sit down and talk to, and try to explain the difference between Christian Grey and real Doms. It’s why so many of us read the books, so we could know thy enemy and keep young, vulnerable subbies from getting hurt.

There is a difference between a submissive putting herself in danger because she is under some sort of influence (be it alcohol or some fictional character) and a submissive letting her Dominant push her. I have seen a couple scenes that have had me question whether or not an ambulance should be called. You sit, you watch, you wonder, but in those moments you know that an experienced submissive has not had alcohol or drugs before playing, because they want to be fully aware of their body and what is is going through. An experienced Dominant will be able to read their submissive’s body to pace the play out so that even if they’re pushing, it will be something they know that their submissive can take. And if something happens, if something gets pushed to far, everyone knows how to safeword, and will if they need to. You sometimes just have to trust that. And when you can’t, well, that’s what dungeon monitors are for.

You can’t always judge a book by its cover. James and I have made the dungeon monitors look up a few times, because he makes me howl. He will hit me hard enough that the sound of the crack will echo throughout the entire dungeon, and I in turn will scream like a banshee. He pushes me, and I let him push me. Everyone in that dungeon knows we’re experienced. The DMs have seen James for years in the scene, and while I haven’t been around for as long they know me as well. They trust that if I need to, I will red out. And I have in the past, with other partners.

As for my own submission… of course I’ve struggled with it. When my mother told me I could be anything I wanted to be I don’t think she pictured one of those things as someone who craved spankings, floggings and the phrase ‘good girl’. Strong, independent women are not supposed to want to kneel at their boyfriend’s feet.. I struggled most with something that has become one of my biggest kinks. The concept of being owned.

The collar. One of my biggest turn-ons is the thought that someone wants me enough, values me enough, that they want me to be one of their possessions. They want to own me. They will share, but I will be theirs to do with as they well. Coming to terms with wanting that, with craving that.. it took me some time. There is still a stigma to D/s, and to BDSM in general. It takes time to realize that the stigma is just something  you learn how to live with.. That it’s going to be part of your everyday life whether you want it to be or not.

It’s a matter of how you live with it that matters. I will never be ashamed of who and what I am. It has taken me a long time to get there, and I’ll be damned if I’m going back… But I’ve learned what to and not to share with people about who I am. Sometimes that makes me sad, that I can only be half of myself with people.

But then I rejoin my people… and I frolic in the dungeon. James makes me scream, and all is right with the world.

Yours, as always

-Rene

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Day 8

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Day 8

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

…This may end up being a very short post.

Yes. Yes. YES it is part of my submission. Big screamy capital letters YESSSSSSS.

It used to scare me.. being hit. Spanked. Flogged. It used to scare the living shit out of me.

Now?

…mmmmmmmmmmmmm

With Kane, spanking and beating used to be the work for the reward.. The tender touches, the good girl, the fantastic sex to follow. I wanted to earn the ‘good girl’, the ultimate reward for the submissive…

James… He’s a whole other ball of wax. Ever since he and I started playing around months ago, before any feels or dating or… relationshippy stuff… he’s turned my perceptions of pain and pleasure on their heads. It’s just.. part of the dynamic between he and I… I take pleasure from being on my knees in from of James, chest out, knowing a hand is going to come down and redden it. Knowing it’s going to hurt, and it’s going to make him smile. I HATE when he hits my thighs, but smile after the pain fades and they are red and warm.

But spanking with James?

How do I put this…. and this is not in a bragging sense.. This is just him.

The man is to bare handed spanking as Midori is to rope.

His upper body is BUILT. Pretty sure his biceps are bigger than my head… and he wants to get in even better shape. The man can bruise with a single strike.. He could easily finish me for an evening easily.. and instead he pushes me.. His spankings are a rare treat for me. It’s never just a strike. It’s always a build up. He will reach out first, let me know it’s coming, and gently put a hand on my ass, caress it.. sometimes squeeze. And then his hand comes down. I scream. I buck. I gasp. I wonder if I can possibly take another, because damn if that man isn’t always symmetrical. It hurts..and I want more.

There are times when his spankings are gentle. Well, at least for him. Sometimes he will spank me while I’m in between his legs sucking him, light taps compared to his normal strikes. Just enough to attempt to distract me and make me moan, through pants or skirts.

Other types of play… Floggings, paddles, mean wooden spoons that I am still not on speaking terms with… Yes, I like all of that as well. Intense scenes don’t happen as often between James and I.. It’s usually quick moments of play. We’ve only had one full official play scene at a party, on the cross, where he beat me to my almost-breaking point… and then stops right before I would have yellowed.. The man can read my body extremely well. He’s learned how I react to different types of pain even before I process how I handle them.. Yes, I love the intense scenes as well. I look forward to more.

So yes, spanking and corporal punishment are part of my D/s relationship. Why?

Because we enjoy it, both Sir and I. Because we both, in certain ways, need it. And love it. And crave it.

Because it’s part of who I am. And I relish it.

Maybe if I’m a good girl, I’ll get spanked tonight.

I’ve made it more than a week. YES!

Yours in antici…..pation,

-Rena

Flogging and Flying

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Once a week or so, I’ve discovered a need to fly.

With Kane, I soar. I reach new points of emotional security, of knowing myself and my place. At this point I wear a day collar proudly, showing that I am happily in service to such an incredible man. A man who pushes me emotionally, who wants me to work artistically as he works. With him is where my heart lies, safe and secure with a man who I know cherishes every ounce of submission I give him. I love him for loving and accepting everything about me.. even the stuffed animals.

Yes, he will spank me. He will tie me up and do wonderfully wicked things to me. He’s started taking a firmer hand to me the more we explore, and has begun to push me in ways I never expected, but as of now he has not used a flogger on me.

He knows that I’ve developed this.. need to play outside of his place or mine. That I thrive walking around the Citadel, all dolled up turning the heads of men as I walk by. I have a need to be strapped to a cross or ordered onto one of the tables and have floggers and paddles taken to my ass, my shoulders my back. I’ve taken to wearing outfits to the Citadel that allow for easy access to my bare ass, because I know that by the end of the evening I will crave seeing it black and blue.

My pain threshold has absolutely gone up since I started playing regularly. There are things that I like better than others, obviously.. I had a discussing with Cal the other day about single tales not exactly being my thing, and Cats pushing me… but a soft deer skin flogger? Mmm…. for the love of Godde please bend me over and turn my ass red.

It’s a cathartic weekly release, to fly. Fridays are my night to play. To go out and get what I need so I can come back, content and able to serve a man I very much love. Play for me very rarely means sex with others lately.. My partners have shifted. In the dungeon I would rather play with the older men in the scene that I”m not truly attracted to, but that know how to handle a flogger better than the attractive young ones who would love to have me over their knee. They push me into Subspace so easily it isn’t even funny. After a week of work, of service, of routine, going out and just being for those few hours… I love it.

I find it amusing how much I’ve enjoyed spanking and flogging, when I was almost never spanked as a child. My parents laid a hand on me..maybe twice in my entire life? And here I am craving what others fear. Jase actually mentioned that he was worried about how much pain I could take. “Just don’t break your ass” he said, before transitioning into a conversation about how he ordered his amazing girlfriend flowers and they’re having a Skype movie date…blah blah blah. I know my limits, and I’m selective about who I do a scene with.

I do have a new little play partner, Tom. He’s older than baby Chris, but not yet thirty, in the same career field as me, an east coaster..and really really good with his fingers. I don’t know where this will take me..but I enjoy his company, and I am exceedingly attracted to him. We’ve discussed going to the next Bent party together and playing.. I admit, I like this idea. I find him exceedingly attractive and would hardly mind being led around the dungeon by him.

I guess this is where I start truly balancing multiple partners, not just casual play partners? Oh, poly… how it makes my head hurt.

Yours discovering ways to fly
~Rena

P.S. There is a movie on Hulu, Inside the 50 Shades. I’m sure most of you know that the book is… well… If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all, but the movie goes into people actually in the scene. It’s worth watching, especially I think for Doms. There’s a man on it that talks in detail about learning from the bottom up, which is something Cal has expressed to me along with a few other Doms.. Worth watching.

Are You In or Out?

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It’s a loaded question in BDSM, with different consequences for different people one way or the other. When it comes to the community or the scene (note: I said “the” not “a”. “A scene” is very different) are you in or out?

I feel like I straddle the line a bit, between vanilla and otherwise in public. My social life these days is mostly in the BDSM world. My friends are all involved in something kinky or another, a normal conversation involves the word “dungeon” being said at least five times, and I’ve made a permanent divot in one of the big arm chairs at Wicked Grounds from all the nights curled up in it, be it with a book or with friends.

However I have a job that would probably frown on my extracurricular activities, and while most of my friends here know my interest I can count on one hand the ones from collage and further back that know. I suppose they know something of my submissive tendencies. I’ve had them since I was young (things like cooking and cleaning for others before myself, letting boyfriends pick my clothes, the food we got at restaurants, where we sat in movie theaters, etc). But they don’t know about official titles and have no clue I like to go to dungeons and get flogged in my spare time.

Kane is not in the Scene at all.. And in certain ways that is a huge blessing. The relationship between us is just that; between us. The play is somehow more intimate, and we can talk and chat freely when we aren’t in the middle of a scene. Being with him means that annoying cliquey social climbing that seems to have infested the BDSM world is nowhere in sight. Yes, he’s been a Dom for a good fifteen years. But his name doesn’t flow from people’s lips in the community and no one is vying to be his toy or his lover or his sub and edge me out of my spot. His standards are also slightly different as far as protocol goes. He gets off on service and submission, but he doesn’t care if I’m kneeling the right way or know all the proper positions. He’s not worried about having me kneeling silently at his feet while he talks to another dom in public. He cares that I give myself fully when I am with him… And oh do I.

At the same time I am drawn to the social aspects of BDSM. I like dressing up (or I suppose undressing?) and going to the play parties with my head held high, confident in my appearance and in my belonging to this world whether I choose to play or no. I love that outside play is a choice, that everything is about consent. And sometimes I really love to feel my ass warm and sore from a flogging that pushed me to sobbing.

It’s a need in myself I don’t quite understand yet, as it only flairs occasionally. There are times when I crave being strapped to the cross, people or no, and whipped until my legs turn to jelly and I’m flying. I don’t care about fucking in those moments. Just push me. Show me how far I can go; how much I can take before I think of uttering the word “yellow”. Take me to breaking but don’t push me over. It’s a fine line that I only desire to dance over on occasion.

I very rarely crave pain. I’m a service bottom. I crave tasks. Duties. Chores. Homework. Things I can do to please my Dom. The floggings and the beatings are an itch I need to scratch once a month or so… And it seems those opportunities arise at play parties in public dungeons.

Another aspect I love of being in the scene is the close-knit protective community. Maybe it is because I am a submissive, but I have some fantastic Doms in my life who just… Protect. Socialize. Teach. They don’t want to dominate me specifically. Heck, a handful are gay and I don’t have the proper bits to please then if I wanted to! They just… Surround, in a safe, reassuring way, and have explained so much to me over the last couple of months.

This is probably partly to do with my appearance. I look much younger than I am, with big brown eyes and a heart shaped face. I’m also TINY. The threat to someone of my appearance can be very real… And I am starting to notice that in good Doms the instinct to protect submissives is as natural as breathing. They watch out for newbies in the community and make sure they aren’t harmed as much as they can. Some of them put serious weight in the “under protection” label on fetlife and Godde help you if you cross them.

In or out… It’s a balance for me, I suppose. For others it’s different. For some jobs, children, or spouses prevent them from fully diving in to the community. For others it’s just not their thing. Others crave the buzz of people around them in order to enact a scene to the best of it’s potential. Others still will do nothing but flog outside of the privacy of their own bedroom. The extent of how far you are into this world is up to you.

Thank you, as always, for listening to my thoughts.

-Rena